Why Making Friends When You’re Older Is So Much Harder

Cherish your friendships and make them your life’s work

One thing that young people don’t understand is how hard it is to sustain relationships or even maintain friendships when you’re an adult.

The other day we were out for dinner and there was a group of about 8 older guys at the table next to us. I commented that it was cool to see them hanging out together. My son (22 years old) said, “What’s the big deal?”

When you’re young, you’re constantly surrounded by people your age. You’re on essentially the same schedule so you’re always in contact with each other. Once you’re an adult, it’s really hard to see your friends or meet people in between the daily grind. If your friends are in different cities or countries, it’s even harder to plan things with people you do know because they are also living their own lives. From what I can tell, most people are very alone.

It’s a weird thing. According to the surgeon general’s report, we have never felt more alone, and sad about being alone, yet most people don’t do anything about it.

I get it, meeting new people feels hard as an adult. For some strange reason, you have to sell yourself. In your younger years, it was enough to just be in the same school or town or sports team as your friends. As an adult, there’s an element of what you do and who you’re becoming that permeates the conversation.

I’m really fortunate that I have close friends. But it takes time and effort to maintain that connection with busy people. This is one of the reasons why I created the Second Harvest retreat. It’s a small way to help people connect with others and hopefully make lifelong friendships.